A simple little contest provided an opportunity to do an integrity-check, and what I found surprised me. Integrity matters, and it seems that it is slipping, in even simple and small things.
I occasionally participate in blog hops where people visit your page, complete some little task, and then are entered to win a prize. Easy stuff, right?
Most bloggers who host a stop on these hops participate in order to get new followers, or in some cases, to introduce people to a new book they are writing, or maybe to a product they are selling. The effort on the part of the participant is a few seconds, the chance to win is fairly small, and the prizes are generally valued at under $25. In my case, it was a $25 restaurant gift certificate.
I recently asked people to pop over to my web site and read a little blurb about a new book I'm writing, then post that they did it. That's it. The book's not even out, and I doubt most of these visitors will remember it when it does debut, but it gives me a little feedback, and provides an opportunity to touch base with my regular followers and meet a few new ones. It's very nice.
Everyone who says they popped over to the site gets an entry. The old honor system. It's turned into an interesting moral experiment.
I've never checked to see who did and didn't follow the directions before, but I noticed a much higher volume of people saying they did compared to the daily stat report I get. Yes, I can see the stats. I know how many people actually stop by, and if I care to check, I can identify who did, what time, from where, and their server's address. I didn't do all that, but here's the rub: the actual number of visitors was less than a third of the number of people who said they stopped by.
So, am I being a nut job for being concerned that adults fibbed in order to be entered to win a prize? It's not the cause of ripples in world peace or anything . . . or is it?
Does it strike anyone else as worrisome?
Are honesty and integrity values we expect in others anymore?
I'd love to hear your thoughts, as a writer, as a woman, as a grandma of kids growing up in this world.
In my generation, parents took their kids back to the store to return a purloined pack of gum, and we knew that lying, stealing, or swearing, (though occasionally risked) was a second cousin to bank robbery, treason, and becoming a complete reprobate. We also knew that parents could cause much greater suffering than any cop, because they could make restitution humiliating enough to obliterate the immediate thrill of bad behavior, and it would last f o r e v e r.
We proudly passed these lessons on to our own children. We were the scary parents, the ones who WOULD find out everything, and who then would make the doer pay dearly to win back lost trust. And you know what, we hardly ever had to initiate any discipline protocol because, as my adult daughter revealed to me, "We were a little bit afraid of you, but mostly, we never wanted to disappoint you."
So are these values still alive in our society? Sing them out. I need to hear a few amens from the chorus.
I've noticed a huge decline in honesty. As an example, my daughter's car got hit in front of our house by someone backing out of the neighbor's driveway (not our neighbors.) They dented her door, but never stopped to say what happened. I was always taught to leave a note.
ReplyDeleteI also have heard advice lately that you should lie on your resume from people who should be setting a good example.
My son had an assignment in a class at the most prestigious business school in the country. One of his classmates got to the library first and destroyed all the copies of the article needed to complete the assignment. The students went back to the professor to explain what had happened and to ask for advice. The reply? "Welcome to the world of business. Good luck." I thought that attitude only contributed to the "dog-eat-dog" mentality prevalent in the corporate world today. Very sad. Also sad about your daughter's car. I hope she had a sweet and generous experience to balance it all out.
DeleteSmall infractions of the law used to make the news, now the rare good deed or act of kindness does.
ReplyDeleteSome women and I were discussing the breakdown of respect and civility the other day. One lady was from India. She said it's happening there too. I was shocked. I think we all believe in these principles in theory, but we're a people growing weak in the application department.
Deleteyes its important. It helps having someone point it out. I know I have done some little things before without thinking about it. then later think oh I was wrong to do that. We all make mistakes.
ReplyDeletesome intional others not. thanks for reminding us all how important it is.
Rhonda, I'm as imperfect as the nest guy or girl, so this little situation had made me more aware of the small things as well. Thanks for weighing in.
DeleteIt's really sad. I know of two other bloggers who constantly remind everyone that when a winner is chosen they will verify all entries and the requests they were asked to fulfill before they announce the name because they expect everyone to be honest. The Blogger said 7 entrants had to be dismissed because they didn't fulfill those requests. And even though they actually post about this every week, people are still being dishonest. They have even explained they can check and verify everything. Obviously some people don't care.
ReplyDeleteI can still hear my Mother and Father telling me and my siblings that our Honor and integrity were the most important qualities we would have in life and to lose them would be unthinkable. I too passed it on to my children. The world is changing and it's very sad. The other day my daughter who is 25 held the door open for an elderly couple as they were coming into the store. I wish you could have seen the look on their faces. They both smiled and said it was a wonderful day when a young lady showed manners. :) How sad for them to even have to make that statement.
It's the old Golden Rule where we would expect others to do as we would do. I hope this doesn't happen often for you Laurie because I know it's upsetting to say the least.
Carol L..
Lucky4750 (at) aol (dot) com
Thanks for your concern, Carol, but my sense of innocence was the only thing hurt. I was the girl who believed policemen, soldiers, and politicians all said their prayers and recited the Pledge of Allegiance before they went to bed. LOL. I think people are generally outstanding. Sadly, I also think we rationalize that small things are of no consequence, but that's not so. Actions create character, and I believe in our hearts, most of us want to be people of good character.
DeleteSo sad. I too come from a generation of "if you get into trouble at away from home, you'll get it twice as bad at home." I'm so happy to be raising my boys with old-fashioned values like honesty, responsibility, and kindness. It sounds like the world needs a lot more of that!
ReplyDeleteTotally agree, Julie.
ReplyDeleteAmen and Hallelujah! :o) I think that integrity should be worth more than a restaurant gift card. Like you, I am not perfect, but we are trying to teach our children to be a person of their word. (not sure if that makes sense?) Trust is an important thing, even if it is on a blog with someone you have never met or probably won't ever.
ReplyDeleteI can hear the choir singing, Lori!
DeleteIt is a sad commentary on our society that people will lie on a blog giveaway. I don't always double-check my Rafflecopter stats when I do a giveaway, but I guess I will from now on. Lying is never right, but it's even harder to understand when adults are lying to win prizes, especially when they know they can be caught.
ReplyDeleteThe blog thing would be annecdotal if I didn't see that same "it doesn't matter" attitude elsewhere, right? So here's to raising a glass of apple juice to bloggers and blog patrons everywhere with the hope that we'll all do better and set a better example for the next generation.
ReplyDeleteMy mama raised me right! She always said that it didn't matter what other people thought of you, but that you had to live with yourself and your actions. I'm a contest junkie and enter lots of contests. I am very aware of what is being asked of me and I make sure I do what is asked. I know in a couple of cases that I was not the first one picked, but I was the first one who did what was required so I won. I just think it's good karma to do right.
ReplyDeleteSo I just checked your site out (the time is 5:57am AZ time ... so it'd be about 7:57am your time Feb 4th). When you have a second, would you look me up on your stats and tell me if I show up or not? I'm just curious. (I originally installed my tracker blocker because I found that Facebook could track you on other websites, even if you were not signed in, and I wasn't cool with that). So let me know if I show up or not (as I am curious).
ReplyDeleteI like your new book idea. Though I am wondering if the leading lady could have a father named albert keller if keller is supposed to be her married name and whether that is a flaw in the writing or if it is there intentionally to show that she's not all there in her cognitive reasoning?
I wish there was a forum for dementia when my Gma was still alive. I'd go with my mom to spend Saturdays with Nana and sometimes she'd be so negative and venemous that my Mom would end up getting in her car, after the visit, and crying. It was not easy to deal with and it was only a year or so before she passed away that someone even suggested that she may have had dementia.