GRATITUDE

I've finished "The Dragons of Alsace Farm" and am now sending it out to medical/technical readers to make sure I have the psychological and medical scenarios right. While that process progresses I'm preparing my query letters for agents and researching agencies.

I've headed back to work on "The Shell Game" also, so the pistons are firing again.

My mother's struggle with dementia was the inspiration behind "The Dragions of Alsace Farm," and when I have her with me work stops so I can enjoy her and attend to her needs.

All in all, the year had been both amongst the hardest I've ever had, and the most spiritual. I have much for which to be grateful. And so I'm posting my Facebook gratitude posts on here as well. I was late getting started while I settled Mom back in, so I'm counting her and the time we get to share as my posts for the first week of November, but I'll posts the others as they go up.

I hope you have a marvelous autumn filled with blessings.

Laurie
***

November 7, 2013

I'm so grateful for my family--for a gentle, hardworking hubby. When I get frustrated over small things I generally only need to remember one of the many sacrifices he's made for us to recall how blessed I am. I adore my crazy-funny kids whose solid lives bolster me, and my diverse grandkids whose interests expand my world in unexpected ways.

 

I've read your posts about your families, and marvelled at how wonderful most families are. What a grand plan, to come here and experience life in a loving circle of courageous support. Yep. Today, I'm grateful for families.

 

WHAT YOUR FAMILIES COULD TEACH HOLLYWOOD

It alarms and frustrates me that celebrities are driving every conversation from fashion and politics, to social morals and body image. Today a celebrity got a big byline on her mothering advice. The article read as if tingling fingers were poised above keyboards in anxious anticipation of the great wisdom about to be revealed by this paragon of motherhood--the celebrity mother. Really? How about featuring the wisdom of a six-time birth-er with a budget and four kids under seven? Now that's a woman with parenting advice.

 

Many of these entertainment figures are great human beings who do much good and who live admirable lives, but my beef is over the super-human influence we allow them to have over us. It's no longer art imitating life. It's art defining life. Sure, TV has always done that. (Refer to my link above.) But maybe it's time to take back the reins and remember that we are the experts at the average American life, not the other way around. 

 

Someone we love dearly moved to Los Angeles six years ago. He loves it out there. He works hard in the medical field, and when he's not working there are a thousand choices for entertainment. The city is one giant playground with the sun and the ocean mere minutes away, and plentiful offerings from the entertainment industry that turn even shopping center Christmas displays into back lot extravaganzas.

 

He was dazzled by it all at first, and he might be still be to some point, but his early innocence has turned to city-savvy. He's a strikingly handsome man--athletic, smart, a bit shy, a man of few words. He was invited to join a group of young A-Listers on a trip to a friend's retreat in some exotic place, and it proved to be a real eye-opener.

 

He knew a few of the other guests' bios. Most had been in the industry since childhood. In fact, work and preparation for success had been their childhood. Most had never stepped foot in a real high school, never had a prom, never attended a high school football game, never met a regular high school guy or girl and been asked out on a real date. One told this young man that he was the first person she'd dated who had ever gone to college. Many young stars speak from this narrow platform of life experience, while so many of our youth twist themselves inside out to be conform to their celluloid definition of what a teen should be.

 

Entertainment icons travel the world and have a myriad of larger-than-life experiences, but to a great extent, they do not portray their lives on screen. They portray ours. Lives many of them have never actually lived. Lives their writers create and feed to them. And yet somehow we miss those points, getting so caught up in the drama of their performance that we see the performance not as entertainment but as a model of how to be a parent, a wife, a husband, a lover, a child, or a teen. That's our mistake.

 

I watched some reruns of "Bewitched" a while back. Daron almost never entered the house without Samantha offering him a drink. I wonder how many homes actually ran like that, but then I wondered how many wives went out and bought decanters of alcohol because they bought into that portrayal of the sophisticated home.

 

Books fit into that entertainment niche where we go for escapism and thrill. I like a good moment of escape as well as the next person. As an author I try to write that kind of book. But when we lay the book aside, or turn the TV off, we return to our world, with our values, our budgets, our real supporting cast. We are the experts of our own real lives. The entertainment industry titans are the experts of theirs. The two worlds are rarely the same.

 

Tell your kids they know as much, and maybe more about the life of a real kid than any movie star. In fact, they could teach the movie industry a few things about real kids' lives. But when we want to escape to somewhere different, where life is perhaps bigger, seemingly brighter, or sometimes darker than our regular world, by all means pick up a great book or see a good flick. Applaud the writers' and actors' skills, and then go home and be the rock star of your own awesome world.  



Book Nook Review: "Table Talk," by John and Tina Bushman.

Table Talk

 

by

John and Tina Bushman

 

 

How do you change the world? It’s a question raised in the introductory pages of Table Talk, a new release by John and Tina Bushman, and the suggested answer is one we all can guess—begin with yourself, and you will affect your family, who in turn will eventually impact the world.

It sounds simple enough in theory, but even the closest and the most vigilant of families can eventually reach a point of conversational impasse, where over scheduled lives and generational differences of opinion slow the flow of sharing to a trickle, and reduce the depth of topics covered to brief exchanges about the necessities of life.

Enter the Bushman’s book of thoughtful conversation starters, touching on some of the most important topics of our day—patriotism, values, faith, and fun. From individual self-reflection to breaking the ice at a large family fireside, Table Talk facilitates thought, and opens lines of communication through a non-threatening format that feels like a game.

The Bushmans drew upon John’s fifteen years of experience as an educator and youth speaker, and Tina’s experiences with their own family, when crafting the questions.  The Bushman’s explain their reason for writing the book:

John and I feel that Table Talk can be so helpful to families trying to establish healthy lines of communication through fun and insightful questions. We hope it will give parents a tool to get their kids talking and to help parents teach values in an informal way. As children develop a pattern of talking with their parents about a wide range of topics, they will be able to turn to their parents in times of great need. As our kids are “dished up” and “served” many positive and negative values each day from so many different sources, family discussions can help children learn their families’ values and expectations more clearly. It is in the home where these things need to be taught.

Three important tips or guidelines are provided to help parents avoid the pitfalls that stifle conversation and open sharing. A 1984 study by the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints found that when partnered with religious activity in the home, such interactions have the most critical impact on the development of values and plans in children.  

Table Talk’s insightful questions inspire a variety of uses, from husband/wife sharing, to group family discussions, Family Night getting-to-know-you games, and as a springboard for a family fireside or testimony meeting. As an empty-nester, I was excited to get my hands on a copy. Our family is scattered across the country and our time together is precious. Having a ready-made list of hundreds of discussion topics on hand provides limitless opportunities to draw the family together, reconnect, and grow closer.

Could families compile such a collection of questions themselves? Probably, but will you? Having topics at the ready is half the battle, and the authors' reminders about conducting comfortable discussions on challenging topics is invaluable.

I loved this book for its potential to encourage family discussion and closeness. Table Talk would be an invaluable tool in any home It would make a great gift for any parent, and deserves a spot on every family's shelf.

Table Talk is available on Amazon at http://www.amazon.com/Table-Talk-Questions-Discussions-Patriotism/dp/1462111467

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BgEwMMXHEPI



Test of Fire: Election 2012

I've been avoiding getting too political during this election cycle, but I found this piece pretty compelling. It doesn't choose sides, but it does present issues in a powerful way.

I don't think my feelings about freedom and liberty--that they are spiritual principles as well as political ones--will surprise my readers. My books are filled with these messages, and so is this clip, prepared by the Catholic Church.

Take from it what you will, vote your conscience this November, but vote. Don't stay home and forfeit this right.

A SHIFT IN REALITY

I love history--learning about it, cherishing it, making it through making new memories. It's ironic almost that after spending years immersed in researching other people's memories and experiences I find myself sorrowing that someone I love is burrowing deeper and into their past, unable to retain much that is recent, or make new history. This is the agony of dementia. This is my mother's world.

She is slipping away from us, one day at a time. Her recall of the past is clear and crisp, but what we did yesterday, or even five minutes ago is a frightening fog that leaves her anxious and at times, apprehensive, argumentative, and angry.

It's a bitter irony that her life is being lived in reverse, so-to-speak. She clings to the old, the ancient memories, retelling stories, reliving events, both sweet and bitter, switching back and forth between joy and despondency depending on what event flashes into her mind. When a thought or understanding from the present does manage to snap into place, she clings to it with a death-grip, repeating it over and over within a few minutes, as if that current bit of relevance is a life line to the present. We cling to it with her.

Each day is different. On a good day--a day where her routine is uninterrupted--she is funny and sweet, charming and innocent, childlike in her careful exploration of her world. On a day when change injects itself into her routine, be it through a new element or a new person, requiring an adjustment to her rigid world, she fights or retreats. We never know what will trigger what reaction.

It's been hard to pull back from Mom and her concerns enough to work on my manuscripts and then I realized that perhaps it would be good for both of us if I simply wrote my current perspective. So that's what I'm doing. I'm setting the other projects aside and writing a story that includes a character with dementia. It shows the trials and the surprises that go along with loving someone in this delicate mental bubble.

So that's where I'm at right now. It feels right. It's helping me cope by providing a place where I can dump my frustration, and it helps me spend time seeing things from her perspective. I hope it will help someone else who finds themselves in this crucible of caring for a mother/child. I'll tell you how things are going. If you have a loved one with dementia, I'd love to hear your experiences as well.

OUR MIRACLE: SHARING THE GIFT

Our only daughter, Amanda, and her little family are walking to raise money for the National Kidney Foundation. Here's the reason why:

Amanda graduated from Utah State in 2004 and came home to Maryland to find work. She found a job at the company owned by a member of our ward, and once her benefits kicked in, we encouraged her to get a good, thorough physical.

I really need to back up here because right after Christmas, as she headed towards graduation, the parental mantra was, "You need a job with benefits." Why? For months I had felt an urgency on this topic--that something big was coming, and she would need to have good insurance.

A few days after her physical she was called in to review her lab results. We didn't think too much about this since she had several other serious but under-control medical issues that made her health more complicated. And since she was now 24, she was her own advocate.

I was in my car when that chilling call came in. She sent one to her father as well. "You'd better come up here." End-stage renal failure was the ultimate diagnosis after days of testing--extensive urinalysis, kidney biopsies, and blood work. We were beyond stunned. My husband and I each had a marker that left Amanda genetically pre-disposed to kidney failure.

Amanda explains:

In 2004 I was diagnosed with an auto-immune disease called IGA nephropathy. By the time I found out, I was already in chronic kidney failure and was told I would need a kidney transplant to live. It was overwhelming and devastating news to receive being only 24 years old. I had just found the man of my dreams and was looking forward to a life with him, filled with kids and joy. This dream seemed to be falling apart as I sat across from my doctor and learned this devastating news. Before the news could even sink in, my mom said she would be the donor. From that second on she endured test after test and the waiting game began. My sweetheart, Nick, stood by my side and proposed to me on October 20, 2004 - just one day after hearing the news. We went on and planned our dream wedding and waited for the phone call that would save both our lives.

There are so many miracles and tender mercies attached to our family's transplant story. And it is a family story. I was never prouder of all my family-- my husband, my children, my daughter-in-law, my grandchildren who made us laugh when we were bereft of joy, and of course, my darling Nick. But Amanda was the hero here, not because she wasn't afraid, but because she always took her fears to the Lord.

The feelings are still a little raw, a little close to the surface. We've tried to remain private about our experience. Amanda didn't want to be "the transplant lady" or to have people aggrandize her courage. She's opening up about it now because she realizes how seeing someone with such a positive outcome would have bolstered us during the darker hours. So someday we'll write our story and share it so those who also face a devastating diagnosis can have hope that the Lord does not leave us alone in such times. We felt him with us, sending us help, walking with us, tucking us in at night when we could barely go on. We leaned on prayer, on the temple, on the Priesthood. We were held up by the faith of mortal angels who fasted with us, prayed for us and offered to serve us in countless ways.

Again, from Amanda:

I hope that by sharing my story, others will find hope in their darkest hour. I hope that they will see that there is not only life after transplantation, but one that is full of joy and happiness. I am approaching my five year anniversary and have a 15 month old son that I carried healthily to full term and I will be delivering our second child, a baby girl on the very day of my fifth transplant anniversary. So, on May 16, I will walk in gratitude and for those who need hope. I am walking to help save someone else's life because my mother saved mine!

We realize how very blessed we are, but let me say to those who face transplantation, there is reason for great hope and joy! And to those who consider being a kidney donor--Please do!

For those who would otherwise like to support kidney patients awaiting a miracle, please consider donating to Team Long as Amanda, Nick and little Brady walk to show gratitude for their blessings.