Saturday, June 13, 2009

SOME THINGS I'D LIKE TO KNOW

It's been a tough week and my brain is exhausted from all the big questions of life--like, how does a giant oak grow from a small acorn? And if matter is neither created or destroyed, where did all that wood come from?

But most of the time I'm consumed by the small questions. Here are a few that are playing on my mind right now.

1. What cosmic phenomena causes some women "glow" after exposure to the sun, while others splotch?

2. What psychic ability overtakes children and husbands, making it possible for them to look at seventeen bags of groceries and request the one item you forgot to purchase?

3. Is it true that the crinkle volume of a candy bar wrapper is directly proportionate to the number of children from whom you're hiding while eating it?

4. Am I the only one who believes pantyhose should come with suspenders? Really now. . . .

5. Is anyone else stymied by the scriggly-character-IQ -test you have to take before being allowed to log on to most web sites?

6. Who programmed my Wii Fit machine to berate me for sloughing off three days?

7. And will Denny's offer me their senior discount based on my "Wii Fit" age?

8. And what's up with those "Snuggly" things? Am I the only one who can see that they're really just a backwards robe?

So what would you like to know?

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