GRATITUDE POST, November 14, 2013, "CHILDREN"

I met an adorable wisp of a child last night. This exuberant four-year-old weighed about a breath, and half of that was her mop of strawberry-colored hair and her smile. Many of her teeth were already missing or filled, and as she told me about the dentist who "fixed her mouth," she jiggled like gelatin with energy that, if harnessed, could have powered all her toys and the TV she loves so much.

 

She mimicked her favorite movie characters--frightening monsters I was surprised such a little sprite even knew, like Godzilla, who she said is really nice and her friend; the bad gremlins, of whom she gave a five-minute impression, complete with crossed-eye snarls and extended claws; and Chucky, who she agreed was very bad.

She brought me a shoe-box filled with grass and flowers. Inside was her pet--a wooly bear caterpillar--who she protected with angelic care.

She sang a song, performed a gymnastics routine which showed incredible talent, and at the end of our visit, she said a little prayer, leapt into my arms, and kissed my cheek. I was in love.

Her circumstances are not ideal, and her mind has been exposed to ideas far beyond her years. When she began to tell me how she wanted to get big, I asked her not to grow today. Maybe tomorrow, or another day, but not today, because she was already perfect.

I'm so grateful for children. They hold the collective conscience of the world in their eyes, and like human barometers, we can generally tell how we're doing by studying our children.

I love their diversity. I see it in my own grandchildren--the sandbox builders, the truck enthusiasts, the technology wizards, the musician, the dancer/gymnast, and the two for whom love is encapsulated in anything round and bouncy.

What would life be without children? For them, I am so very grateful.

Here is a fascinating photo-essay of children around the world and their favorite possessions. Enjoy!

 

 

 

Book Nook Review: "Table Talk," by John and Tina Bushman.

Table Talk

 

by

John and Tina Bushman

 

 

How do you change the world? It’s a question raised in the introductory pages of Table Talk, a new release by John and Tina Bushman, and the suggested answer is one we all can guess—begin with yourself, and you will affect your family, who in turn will eventually impact the world.

It sounds simple enough in theory, but even the closest and the most vigilant of families can eventually reach a point of conversational impasse, where over scheduled lives and generational differences of opinion slow the flow of sharing to a trickle, and reduce the depth of topics covered to brief exchanges about the necessities of life.

Enter the Bushman’s book of thoughtful conversation starters, touching on some of the most important topics of our day—patriotism, values, faith, and fun. From individual self-reflection to breaking the ice at a large family fireside, Table Talk facilitates thought, and opens lines of communication through a non-threatening format that feels like a game.

The Bushmans drew upon John’s fifteen years of experience as an educator and youth speaker, and Tina’s experiences with their own family, when crafting the questions.  The Bushman’s explain their reason for writing the book:

John and I feel that Table Talk can be so helpful to families trying to establish healthy lines of communication through fun and insightful questions. We hope it will give parents a tool to get their kids talking and to help parents teach values in an informal way. As children develop a pattern of talking with their parents about a wide range of topics, they will be able to turn to their parents in times of great need. As our kids are “dished up” and “served” many positive and negative values each day from so many different sources, family discussions can help children learn their families’ values and expectations more clearly. It is in the home where these things need to be taught.

Three important tips or guidelines are provided to help parents avoid the pitfalls that stifle conversation and open sharing. A 1984 study by the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints found that when partnered with religious activity in the home, such interactions have the most critical impact on the development of values and plans in children.  

Table Talk’s insightful questions inspire a variety of uses, from husband/wife sharing, to group family discussions, Family Night getting-to-know-you games, and as a springboard for a family fireside or testimony meeting. As an empty-nester, I was excited to get my hands on a copy. Our family is scattered across the country and our time together is precious. Having a ready-made list of hundreds of discussion topics on hand provides limitless opportunities to draw the family together, reconnect, and grow closer.

Could families compile such a collection of questions themselves? Probably, but will you? Having topics at the ready is half the battle, and the authors' reminders about conducting comfortable discussions on challenging topics is invaluable.

I loved this book for its potential to encourage family discussion and closeness. Table Talk would be an invaluable tool in any home It would make a great gift for any parent, and deserves a spot on every family's shelf.

Table Talk is available on Amazon at http://www.amazon.com/Table-Talk-Questions-Discussions-Patriotism/dp/1462111467

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BgEwMMXHEPI



BEING A MOTHER

Maintaining balance in life is the number one struggle for most of us. Parents and spouses struggle over it, our kids do too as they get older. Here's a tender story about an intuitive daughter-in-law who understood that mothers always need to feel like "mothers". I'm blessed with especially good daughters and daughters-in-law. I also try to keep a weekly "date" with my mom. This week has been one of the hardest weeks for me, and I almost cancelled, but after reading this story today, I'm so glad I kept our "date." Thanks, Sharon, for sending this to me today!
*****
BEING A MOTHER...

After 17 years of marriage, my wife wanted me to
take another woman out to dinner and a movie. She
said, 'I love you, but I know this other woman loves
you and would love to spend some time with you.'
* * *
The other woman that my wife wanted me to visit
was my MOTHER, who has been alone for 20 years,
but the demands of my work and my two boys had
made it possible to visit her only occasionally.
* * *
That night I called to invite her to go out for
dinner and a movie.
* * *
'What's wrong, aren't you well,' she asked?
* * *
My mother is the type of woman who suspects that a
late night call or a surprise invitation is a sign
of bad news.
* * *
'I thought it would be pleasant to spend some
time with you,' I responded. 'Just the two of us.'
She thought about it for a moment, and then said,
'I would like that very much.'
* * *
That Friday after work, as I drove over to pick
her up I was a bit nervous. When I arrived at her
house, I noticed that she, too, seemed to be nervous
about our date. She waited in the door. She had curled her hair and was wearing the
dress that she had worn to celebrate her last
birthday on November 19th.
* * *
She smiled from a face that was as radiant as an
angel's. 'I told my friends that I was going to go
out with my son, and they were impressed,' she said,
as she got into the car. 'They can't wait to hear about our date'..
* * *
We went to a restaurant that, although not
elegant, was very nice and cozy. My mother took my
arm as if she were the First Lady. After we sat
down, I had to read the menu. Her eyes could only
read large print. Half way through the entries, I
lifted my eyes and saw Mom sitting there staring at
me. A nostalgic smile was on her lips. 'It was I
who used to have to read the menu when you were
small,' she said. 'Then it's time that you relax and
let me return the favor,' I responded.
* * *
During the dinner, we had an agreeable
conversation- -nothing extraordinary but catching up
on recent events of each other's life. We talked so
much that we missed the movie.
* * *
As we arrived at her house later, she said,
'I'll go out with you again, but only if you let me
invite you.' I agreed.
* * *
'How was your dinner date ?'
asked my wife when I got home.
'Very nice. Much more so than I could have imagined,'
I answered.
* * *
A few days later, my mother died of a massive
heart attack. It happened so suddenly that I didn't
have a chance to do anything for her.
* * *
Some time later, I received an envelope with a
copy of a restaurant receipt from the same place
mother and I had dined. An attached note said: 'I
paid this bill in advance. I wasn't sure that I
could be there; but nevertheless, I paid for two
plates - one for you and the other for your wife.
You will never know what that night meant for me.
I love you, son.'
* * *
At that moment, I understood the importance of
saying in time: 'I LOVE YOU' and to give our loved
ones the time that they deserve. Nothing in life is
more important than your family. Give them the time
they deserve, because these things cannot be put off
till 'some other time.'* * *
Somebody said it takes about six weeks to get back
to normal after you've had a baby.... somebody
doesn't know that once you're a mother,
'normal' is history.
* * *
Somebody said you learn how to be a mother by
instinct ... somebody never took a three-year-old shopping.
* * *
Somebody said being a mother is boring .....
somebody never rode in a car driven by a teenager with a driver's permit.
Somebody said if you're a 'good' mother,
your child will 'turn out good'....
somebody thinks a child comes with
directions and a guarantee.
* * *
Somebody said you don't need an education to be a
mother.... somebody never helped a fourth grader
with his math.
* * *
Somebody said you can't love the second child as
much as you love the first .... somebody doesn't
have two children.
* * *
Somebody said the hardest part of being a mother
is labor and delivery....
somebody never watched her 'baby' get on the bus
for the first day of kindergarten ...
or on a plane headed for military 'boot camp.'
* * *
Somebody said a mother can stop worrying after her
child gets married....somebody doesn't know that
marriage adds a new son or daughter-in-law to a
mother's heartstrings.
* * *
Somebody said a mother's job is done when
her last child leaves home....
somebody never had grandchildren.
* * *
Somebody said your mother knows you love her, so
you don't need to tell her....
somebody isn't a mother.

MORE THAN MERELY HUMAN

Grandparenthood arrives not a moment too soon for most of us. As was the case with Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny, the starry-eyes that reflected awe in our presence began to dim some time ago. Our little children who once believed we knew all things and were capable of super-human things, slowly and subtly let us know that the ruse was over, our cover blown, revealing that we are merely mortal, and ever-weakening specimens at best. And then grandchildren come along, and the vestments of hero-dom reappear, glorious and bright once more.

A board game where the rules lean slightly to bless a child, a ride on a snowplowing yard tractor and a snuggle accompanied by a show on Noggin bring that glint of adoration to their eyes. But tonight, for the mere price of 100 Chucky Cheese tokens and a pizza, Tom and I exceeded humanity and re-entered the world of Superheroes once more. As our five-year-old grandson ran around, playing games and gathering tickets, utter ecstasy was present on his face. From time to time his joy would bubble over into expressions of his superb gratitude and love, and those old feelings of reflected omnipotence returned.

His aunt and uncle were there also, with little Brady in tow. We all took turns playing with Tommy, and likewise sharing the pleasure of tiny infant Brady sleeping alternately on our chests. The feelings were familiar. For a few fleeting minutes, for two little grandsons, we had the exquisite privilege of being the embodiment of love and happiness once more.

We cannot leap tall buildings or stop a bullet mid-flight, but we were able to hold the world at bay for a few hours and create exquisite happiness from a pizza and a string of paper tickets, and that is quite lovely for two semi-retired superheroes.

MAKING A CASE FOR CHILDREN AND FAMILIES

The airwaves and Internet are filled with comments by those inflamed by Speaker of the House, Nancy Pelosi's recent comments regarding a specific portion of her plan to balance the budget. Rightly so.

In her Sunday morning ABC interview with George Stephanopoulos, Ms. Pelosi defended a plan to address the budget problem in part, by increasing funding for contraceptives and abortions. As quoted from that interview between Ms. Pelosi and Mr. Stephanopoulos:

"The family planning services reduce cost," Pelosi said, "One of the elements of this package is assistance to the states. The states are in terrible fiscal budget crises now and part of what we do for children's health, education and some of those elements are to help the states meet their financial needs. One of those - one of the initiatives you mentioned, the contraception, will reduce costs to the states and to the federal government."

"So no apologies for that?" (Stephanopoulos) asked her.

"No apologies. No," Pelosi said. "And this is a, to stimulate the economy, is an economic recovery package and as we put it forth we have to deal with the consequences of the downturn in our economy. Food stamps, unemployment insurance, some of the initiatives you just mentioned. Believe it or not, they're the right thing to do but they also stimulate the economy."

In essence, the idea is that we reduce the cost of services to children by reducing the number of children.

As appalling as that thinking is, I am at least energized by how outraged people are over it. Finally, a sign that the dying, or at least sleeping giant of American values is still capable of being revived! I hope everyone of us raises such a din of objection to this mode of thinking, (the same thinking that sent President Obama off the cameras and away from the limelight of a paparazzi-like press to covertly overturn the Mexico City bill, authorizing the funding of abortions and contraceptives in foreign countries), that we shake the halls of Congress and the White House. I hope they remember that they serve us at our pleasure, and see that we do not want our budget balanced at the expense of, nor the elimination of children.

Yes, children are costly. But they're not the problem. The problem is that we've lost our vision of the essential nature of the family and the home. Mothers and fathers were intended to bear the responsibility for their children. But look at how we've undermined these roles.

And it's not just government. Look at the media's perception of marriage and the family. How many current shows can you name that have stable married parents? Now ask yourself how many of those have parents who work as equal, responsible partners as heads of their homes? The current trend in media is to paint women as overbearing matriarchs who spend as much time parenting their husband as they do their kids. And look at the portrayal of fathers. Most are buffoons whose kids are brighter than they, or the really cool ones--the detectives and doctors and secret agents? They're generally divorced or unaware of they even have children. And how are they regarded? As sensitive, misunderstood, a work in progress. Great. . .

Now add to these aberrations of family life the media's obsession with break-ups, hook-ups and the ensuing custody battles over the poor children, and then ask yourself, "is it any wonder that the Hollywood royal duo who openly shun marriage despite their every-growing number of children, gets named the 'Couple of the Year'?"

Hollywood and the media may plead the fifth and say that this is just entertainment, and such programs don't shape youth's ideas regarding marriage and families. Oh really? Well, the network marketing people sure prepared a hundred items for launch into your neighborhood stores because they anticipated that little girls would watch Hannah Montana and High School Musical and they'd want to be just like them. Then they have to also know that images of weak, dysfunctional families leave their marks as well. Hollywood can't have it both ways. Imprinting is occurring, and we need to up the quality of the images we portray.

Perhaps government will recognize what many of us have always known--the correlation between strong families and a strong nation. Ms. Pelosi does realize that we have a crisis here. But her view is skewed, as if seen through a kaleidoscope. Madame Speaker, when the family fails, the burden of rearing the children does fall to government. So instead of blaming the children, please help America strengthen her families.

There is an old adage that says, "When man wants to change the world, he sends armies. When God wants to change the world, He sends a child. Children are our hope, not our burden. We need every one of them. We just need them to be reared by mothers and fathers leading stable homes.

Now that's an economic stimulus plan we can support.